yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
