Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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