We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
