shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
