is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We're too hungover to prance.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
