good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
