no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
