I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
