You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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