If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
