The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Drake has all the answers
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
