I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
