I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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