How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
