he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
