Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
