We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
