So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
