It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
