Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
