vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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