he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
