drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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