Define "chronic" masturbator.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
