I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
