If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
