this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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