She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
