I heard we made out
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
