I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
