Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
