did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
