I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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