My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
