Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
