season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
