I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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