If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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