Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
