Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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