Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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