I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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