Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
