never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
