I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
