Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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