I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
