Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
