Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
