My first STD was from a foam party
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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