I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
