dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
