you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
