i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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