Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
