I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
