You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
