It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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