Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
