One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dick very happy bro
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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