Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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