i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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