So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
