Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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