Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
