Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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