Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
