Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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