Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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