I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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