As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
