office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
