Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
