My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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