and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
