My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
