the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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