Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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