Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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