Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
