wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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